Couples

PLANNED SPONTANEITY

Some of us are more relaxed about going with the flow when plans change or a partner comes up with an adventurous plan on the spur of the moment. Some find it difficult to go with the flow and need a plan. If the ends of a continuum stretch from spontaneous to planned, where do…

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Parable in Marital Conflict

Perpetual problems make up 69% of marital conflict according to some sources. Perpetual problems aren’t solved and couples manage to live with them as they wax and wane. Help finish this parable so that it has a moral truth or lesson. Here’s a parable in need of completion. Mary and Joseph (or it could be…

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Neuroplasticity: Hope and Cautionary Tale

Neuroplasticity offers hope. It has to do with our brain’s ability to reorganize connections in response to learning. Cognitive behavior therapy can help us reduce stress to life’s most challenging circumstances. One of the things I get to do about every couple of months or so is to talk with a group of women surviving…

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HOW AFFAIRS CAN HELP YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE BAD DECISIONS

Stories or movies containing scenes of people making mad, passionate love activate brain structures releasing chemicals that make us feel good. Movies can also expose us to scenes that scare us a bit and stimulate the release of cortisol that doesn’t overwhelm but stimulates us just enough to be excited. As a rule, if movies…

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CAN YOU POSSIBLY CHANGE YOUR MIND?

“I am who I am. I say what I think. You have to accept me for who I am. With me, what you see is what you get. I’m not afraid to call a spade a spade.” When you hear somebody present themselves in this manner, do you admire them for being forthright? Do you…

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Internet = Immediacy of Intimacy [Not]

In the Journal of Addictions & Offender Counseling, Didelot et al. correctly point out that the Internet has an immediate and powerful impact on our relationships, specifically in the way we communicate and the way we socialize. Virtually everybody I see in counseling uses both smartphones and computers to communicate. Patients’ ever present cell phones ring,…

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Court and Complain

Court your spouse. Be kind in bringing up complaints, but be sure to bring them up if you want your marriage to last. You would think we’d remember the courtship part of making marriage work, but people do forget. They get busy with children, work, and social activities and courtship gets what is left over.…

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